{Blog #5} Week 2

01/5 - Something you tried for the first time.

I signed up for a writing class. A creative non-fiction writing class, to be precise. I have learnt a lot, which is what ultimately matters (right?), but I also got confronted with all my fears and insecurities and anxieties (which, once again, was kind of the point). Unfortunately, I am someone who attaches perfection to self-worth. I lowkey wish I were a genius and everything came easily to me… except I grow bored of easy things. Ultimately, I crave the struggle of a challenge. Knowing these two desires are incompatible doesn’t prevent me from fostering them. /angsty sigh/ I don’t know. I’m feeling a bit self-defeating at the moment, and I’m trying to get over that slump by doing. I’m also trying to quit seeking validation from the outerwhere. [Mantra: There’s no point seeking success, which can only be given externally. You must go after happiness, which only you can provide for yourself.]

Am I doing a good job? (I’m kidding… but only barely)

02/5 - Something you didn’t throw away.

Every

Single

Thing

My spaces are not Marie Kondo-approved, but my personality is certainly plastered all over them.

03/5 - A meal that has stayed with you

I really wanted to go sweet—recently, my dad and I have met up using shopping permits to visit each other while in lockdown (calm down; we live three blocks away, both alone at the moment), and it has both warmed and cracked my heart a bit each time.

But I think the actual most memorable meals were those when I told my mother and father I was moving out of their apartments (fifteen and nineteen respectively). It might not be uncommon in other countries, but unless you really need to, it’s not very common in Latin American families, especially middle class ones. The most gutting aspect, I believe, was the dissonance in our perceptions of the moments, which effectively makes them forever tainted. 

For them, heartache.

For me, freedom.

04/5 - A time when you were let off the hook.

On two occasions my dad has picked me and a friend from parties and I have been super wasted. Throw-up-and-black-out wasted. Although he doesn’t approve of extreme partying, thinks pot is a bad drug, is afraid of sleeping pills, and doesn’t drink himself, he never once scolded me or brought it up.

Such small awkwardish incidents can be swept under the rug, I believe.

05/5 - Tell me about a teacher.

I am so fortunate to have had such amazing teachers throughout my life that it’s actually difficult for me to pick just one. Don’t misunderstand; I’ve suffered through a fair share of crappy educators, too, but I’m choosing to count my blessings here.

My Literary Theory / Shakespeare / Oscar Wilde / Poetry professor is not only a true source of inspiration (literally, as in: I wanna teach like her) but also has been extremely kind to me. She has written letter after letter of recommendation, has given me use of her office as solace, has met up for coffee with me, has encouraged me to discuss my passions and travels… she’s amazing, both as a person, scholar, and educator, and again, an inspiration in the true sense of the word. 

06/5 - What do you want to say right now?

It feels like everything is going to be okay.

07/5 - Tell me about a chance encounter.

I’ve met all of my best friends in rather pedestrian ways: school, uni, fanclub—except for one. Unnie and I met by the absolute craziest chance, hit it off right away, and never stopped being friends. 

My dad (bless his heart) was driving a couple of friends and me to a kpop event in Valparaíso, and the girl who would become my Unnie took the last spot. We all drove together, sang songs, laughed, supported our friends, had a blast. But then everyone else decided to stay and party, while both of us nerds that we are wanted to head back to Santiago. So we rode back, two absolute strangers in the backseat talking non-stop, realizing they had a ridiculous amount of things in common. It was friendship at first sight, and it’s only gotten stronger as years go by. 

Here’s the funny little cherry on top of this already serendipitous tale: my (former) friend who introduced us and my Unnie barely knew each other at the time, so she was basically riding with all strangers! She confessed later she had a lot of doubts about the trip beforehand, but she really wanted to go so she followed her positive gut feeling.